This is a letter to a minister friend who died from lymphoma shortly after this letter was written.  Actually, I had flown to Maryland and preached for him.  He died at home as I was preaching.

July 21, 1993

Reverend Walter Collette

Columbia, Maryland 31045

Dear Walter:

It has been good to share with you in these past several days and to help, in a small way, to bear your burden.  I particularly appreciate your transparency, sharing where you hurt, and where you fear.  I know that your trust in God will increase, which will push fear from your life.

Walter, it is imperative that each of us, but especially you, as you go through this experience, gives our life to God as a living sacrifice.  When you have relinquished control over your life -- the ultimate definition and characteristic of a sacrifice -- and when you have resolved to live without expectation of tomorrow, then God's glory will be great in your life.

Remember, the illustration of the movie, “The Alamo.”  As I watched that movie, God spoke to me and said, “No man who was conceived on the earth when the Alamo fell is alive today.”  I was amused at that thought, until the Lord concluded, “You cannot live long enough to make it worth while to compromise your convictions.”  If a man had left the Alamo in fear, he may have lived another twenty years.  He might have lived another fifty years, but today he would be dead.  If you could live to be a thousand, the inevitability of your death would not make it worth while to compromise your convictions for the sake of longevity.

Walter, when we begin to lament the brevity of our own individual life, it is often in the context of our thinking that our life is too short.  But, the reality is that even if you live to be a hundred, your life is too short if it is not lived abundantly for the Lord.  If your life is foreshortened, from a human perspective, yet it is lived abundantly for the Lord, the brevity of life does not decrease your contribution to the kingdom of God.

Never let the fear of a short life, never let the struggle with cancer, deter you from discovering and fulfilling God’s redemptive plan for your life.  If God has called you to a task, then fulfill that task more now than ever before.  I do not have a word from God on this, but when you said Monday that your diagnosis causes you to cease to pursue the Masonic issue, my thought was:  “Your diagnosis gives you the complete freedom to courageously and boldly speak your convictions without fear of temporal or professional consequences.”

What a legacy to leave your children, if God does not heal you, i.e., “My Dad fought the battle for the Lord until his dying day.”  Do not let the enemy destroy your effectiveness by turning you inward.  There will be adjustments which you will have to make because of the crisis you face, but continue to look outward.  Continue to make the Lord your praise and people your purpose.

If God has called you to something, pursue it as long and as hard as you can.  Your physical condition will give urgency to your words.  As we read II Timothy, Paul's rapidly approaching death gives tremendous credibility to his words.  The possibility of your soon approaching death will give tremendous credibility to the words which the Lord leads you to speak in the coming weeks and months.

When one of my former pastors left our church, he said, “Well, because I had nothing to lose, I told him the truth.”  My thought was, “What if you had had something to lose, would you have lied?”  But, the reality for you, Walter, is you have nothing to lose, so speak the truth.  What if God’s eternal plan and design for your life is to release you from earthly concerns so that He might speak a clear, sharp and resolute message to His church?  

What if God’s plan for your life is for you prophetically to speak God’s heart to the church as it enters the Twenty-first century?  Your need to find the will of God is as great if you have only five months to live as it is if you have fifty years to live.  In fact, the urgency of the need to fulfill God’s calling on your life will give you increased focus on finding God’s will and doing it.  Your tenure on the Home Mission Board may be made more significant by what you speak now, in your personal hour of great need, than it ever was before, when you simply spoke your mind.

Remember that we talked about Jesus Christ being Lord over the spiritual as evidenced by the demons’ submission to Him. He was Lord over the physical as evidenced by the depths being subject to Him.  And, He was Lord over the event in human experience in which the physical and the spiritual most clearly intersect; He was Lord over death.  As you walk through the “valley of the shadow of (your) death,” remember it is but a “shadow.”  It is not ultimate reality, and it is not the final statement.  That final statement belongs to God, and the ultimate reality is life, and that in Christ.

Walter, honesty with God is the only policy.  While death holds little fear for those of us who love Jesus, dying can be a terrifying experience.  Tell Jesus about that.  He Who lived through Gethsamane, never afraid of death because He absolutely trusted God in resurrection, feared dying, because it would separate Him for an instance in time from the fellowship of the Father.  When you are afraid, tell Him.  When you are depressed, tell Him!  When you are discouraged, tell Him.  As He deepens your understanding of His ways, you will find that joy will replace depression, trust will replace fear, and purpose will replace discouragement.

It is then that you will be living a redemptive life which continually manifests the character of Jesus Christ.  Mediate often upon Paul's testimony in II Corinthians 4.  Rejoice that as you die to self, you become more alive to God.  Rejoice that in your demonstrating to others how a man of God faces cancer, you bring great glory and honor to God.

It is interesting that the preoccupation of old people is often the lengthening of their life.  The very thing which they cannot affect, the length of their life, is the very thing which occupies all of their time, resources and energy.  It is significant that the Bible spends little time admonishing children of God to be concerned with living long, but it does continually admonishes them to live well.  No matter how long you live, you are commanded to live well -- giving glory and honor to God with each moment of your life.  You can live poorly for many years or you can live well for a few months.  If, in God's providence, He stretches the few months into many years, then you will have happily lived well for a long time.

It is God’s sovereign responsibility to effect good out of all things (Romans 8:28); it is our responsibility to expect good out of all things.  We demonstrate that expectation by giving thanks in all things. (I Thess. 5:18)  I cannot tell you what good can come out of your having cancer, Walter.  But, I know when you come to the point that you can give thanks to God that you have cancer, then God's glory will begin to be seen in your life.  That thankfulness may begin with your thanking God that your wife does not have cancer and that your children do not have cancer, but that you have cancer.  When we expect good by giving thanks, we position ourselves to see good out of all things, even those things which objectively and inherently are not good.

Finally, remember that we talked about your writing a journal.  It may be, Walter, that God wants you to write a modern day equivalent of the meditations of the great saints, who in the face of death, rejoiced in Christ.

I will continue to pray for you, dear brother.  My commitment to be there for you and your family is as unto the Lord.  God bless you.

In Christ’s love and service,

Larry Holly, M.D.

Proverbs 22:17-21