Speaking the Truth in Love

Often, correction and admonition are rejected because a person is thought to be not “kind.”  It will be said, “That wasn’t ‘loving.’”  In the Bible, Ephesians 4:15 admonishes Christians “ to speak the truth in love.”  But, what does that mean, and is it unkind not to correct and/or to admonish those we love?  What does it mean to “speak the truth in love.”

Speaking the truth in love means that a person is willing to acknowledge his or her contribution to the problem without implicating others who have contributed to the problem.  

It means that a person is mature enough to say, “I was wrong,” without adding, “and, so were you.”  

Speaking the truth in love means that a person is willing to be part of the solution to any problem, whether a part of the problem or not.  

Speaking the truth in love means that one does not relish or delight in the failures of others.  Dr. J. B. Phillips paraphrased I Corinthians 13:4-8a thusly:  “This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience -- it looks for a way of being constructive…It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people.  On the contrary, it shares the joy of those who live by the truth…”

Speaking the truth in love means examining one’s self for the germ of the same error, which is being exposed in another.  Remember the “mote” and the “beam.”  

Speaking the truth in love means that one’s motive for speaking is the benefit of the one to whom and/or about whom one speaks; it is not to prove how right or righteous, one thinks one is.

But, the subjective nature of this evaluation requires a great deal of personal integrity and transparency on the part of the one speaking the truth in love.  

Speaking the truth in love means that one maintains the confidence of one’s friends, not discussing a problem with others, unless they are part of the problem and/or a part of the solution.

Speaking the truth in love means that circumstances are addressed from God’s perspective and not from man’s.  This is most often seen in understanding the forgiveness of God eternally, while understanding the consequences of sin temporally.  It is possible, but, it is not loving, to ignore the failings of others, while there is time for them to escape before permanent harm comes.

On the other hand, there are actions, which masquerade as “speaking the truth in love,” but which actually are only compromise or flattery.  

It is not speaking the truth in love to encourage men in wickedness by saying, “it doesn’t matter what you do in your body, God will understand, and He is a loving God, Who is concerned only with your spirit.”    

It is not speaking the truth in love to explain why there are no consequences to past failures.  Sin, while forgiven, can carry permanent consequences in this life.  

It is not speaking the truth in love to accommodate the Word of God to today’s circumstances rather than challenge today’s circumstances with the Word of God.  

It is not speaking the truth in love to exalt “love” over the truth, which reverses the biblical statement, “God is love,” to assert falsely, “Love is god.”

It is not speaking the truth in love to over emphasize the mercy of God by seldom discussing the judgment of God.  

It is not speaking the truth in love to welcome men and women into the kingdom by the broad door of acceptance of doctrine, rather than by the narrow door of repentance.  

Information, which comes from knowledge, does not “get a person into heaven,” transformation through repentance and rebirth does.  

It is not speaking the truth in love to never “hurt” anyone with the truth, but only to “comfort” with the hope of Christ.

These are deceitful misunderstandings of “truthing in love.”  They will undermine and destroy the vitality of Christian faith in the world today.  Their acceptance is one of the reasons why many people are repeating the same errors over and over.  

Their acceptance is one of the reasons why each new generation accepts more error than the previous one.  The truth is, there is nothing a man or woman can speak in love other than Truth.

In 1981, Dr. Jack MacGorman taught the book of Philippians at First Baptist Church of Beaumont, Texas.  He asked:  “Is admonition (warning) in a time of peril as authentic an expression of love as assurance in a time of uncertainty?”  

Dr. MacGorman answered his own question:

“Love is the grandest theme of all and the authentic nature of love is demonstrated in the caring for others.  The difference in the tone of admonition, as against assurance, is that admonition is love in its urgency...Is admonition in a time of peril as authentic an expression of love as assurance in a time of uncertainty?  Absolutely!  You see, assurance in time of peril is treachery...The difficult thing about admonition is that it is rarely recognized as an expression of love...But love sometimes must admonish.  But, the tone does not sound like love...

Permissiveness as an expression of love is a massive fraud.  Abrogation of costly love and responsibility masquerades as super love.  Shrinking from the painful exercise of love is not an expression of love.”

Dr. MacGorman later said:  “...The sure way to raise a fool is to pull the consequences out of his folly.”  One of the ways of “pulling the consequences out of the folly of a fool” is to refuse to admonition or correct him or her.  

When we imagine that love is only exercised by approval, and that it is not loving to reprove, we contribute to the making of fools out of those we love.  

Dr. Adrian Rogers, pastor of Belview Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee has said, “I would rather tell the truth that hurts and then heals, than a lie which comforts and then kills.”  

Truthing in love can hurt, but it also heals.  Whether parent, pastor, prophet, priest, president or ordinary person, the truth is the only loving thing, which one can speak.